I know you're not going to have a clue of what I'm talking about (a physics degree might help, but I know you'd just buy one online, so that doesn't count), but the so-called "Dark Matter" that apparently permeates the universe all we humans reluctantly share has been discovered to be your common, garden-grade coleslaw.
You read it right, people; that would be shredded cabbage, maybe shredded carrots and if you're lucky, some red onion, in a light sauce that involves a certain amount of mayonnaise, maybe a touch of honey and definitely salt and cracked pink 'n black pepper (at least, the way I might do it, though I could always use Kraft Coleslaw dressing in a pinch) that has been refrigerated for a certain amount of time.
See, here's the reasoning:
a) There is Dark Matter. That has been proven beyond a doubt.
b) 99.9% of the time, unless you open the door, your refrigerator is completely dark. No light can escape its confines. This is also a confirmed phenomenon by reputable scientists.
c) Many, many people have coleslaw, in various degrees of preservation and various degrees of configurations, in their refrigerators.
d) The previous statement is somewhat vague, as in how many people constitutes "many"? Is it like that Amazonian tribe that while numbering anything after three as "many" nevertheless can do calculus while filing down blowgun darts?
e) The Final Answer (do you need to go to the audience or are you willing to risk the entire five million?)
g) YES! The Final Answer is that coleslaw is the shapeless, formless phenomenon that shields the Hubble Telescope from the Crab and Lobster Nebula (and a whole bunch of other nebulae, all on special this week for $12.99, by the way), and
h) takes up a LOT OF SPACE.