Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Jupiter Condos Update
Look, I know you horde of mutant midget clown headhunters doubt my veracity when I claim to be in the business of repurposing land on Jupiter.
This is understandable; no, I really understand the basic premise of your arguments, because the perception is that two- or even three-story structures can't be built there, and that even cabanas and pools would be inordinately expensive.
Let me reassure you that this is not and has never been the case. Renowned science-fiction author Clifford B. Simak obviously foresaw the value of lots on Jupiter, as have many others, and it disturbs me to receive your emails, some of them bullet-pointed, listing your misgivings about finalising these transactions.
Thus, I take the opportunity to address some of these issues.
Lots of you mentioned problems with the timeline of the first Jupiter landings. Let me reassure you, we are working on that, and when the Committee has budgeted a sensible launch date we will most definitely be getting the green light.
Some of you had reservations about our choice of onsite architects. Some of you were concerned that den sizes would either be too small or not take into account west-facing sunlight levels during the winter months. Please be assured that we have our most talented associates working on these very issues. The renowned architectural company Young, Bolton LLC is already drafting plans for your lower-atmosphere condominium, and in collaboration with noted Feng-shui consultant Anna Wong, will be producing a multi-plan introductory brochure for the site designation of your choice (please note that all final designs by your personal architect must be approved first by the Committee -- please see Article 1-17-09, Rules and Regulations XVI before proceeding with submissions).
And some of you brooked concerns about available light. Jovian days are quite lengthy by our standards, so household plants may be adversely affected. Please consult our handbook "Your Houseplant on Jupiter" for answers to this question, or refer to the FAQ.
Many thanks to all who have called and written and let's see this project off the ground in 2009!
Posted by ChefNick at 8:25 AM