Hello, my friends, this is the proud owner of galacticproperties.com just wishing to "keep you in the loop", if you will.
No one wants to preface any news with the word "unfortunately" but that's unfortunately the case. Hey! I make Joke!
Seriously, though, and I know you don't want to hear it, but it's getting official, is that real estate prices on Jupiter have just spiked. No real telling why, as it's a gaseous giant that's been around for 5.8 billion years, and not much has changed since then, except the demand for properties near the Great Red Spot has inexplicably surged in the last two weeks. Hey, it's the fucking GREAT Red Spot, not the "Tiny" red spot after all, ya assholes! This is in no means and ways tiny! Fucking 560,000 Earths could be put in this "tiny" red spot! With a capital F!
What used to be an 82-story floating condo with all amenities going for a mere $389,004 has somehow leaped to the price of $389,086.
As you know, the Great Red Spot is a highly desirable location, with lots of inner sun and a gentle methane breeze of around 7,008 miles per hour. Need I remind you, "highly desirable." (Please mark that on your calendar).
But just to mitigate your disappointment, shall we say, a new condominium property has just become available: it's in a highly desirable spectral region that can reveal the water vapour abundance and vertical cloud structure in the troposphere with just the purchase of a handy spectrometer, which, of course, we can provide.
It's north-facing, which some might find a defect, but I think the price is right on this one: just $25. Yes, that is a two and a five.
We plan to have Jupiter One up and ready for firing for August, 2017, so please reserve your properties now.
PayPal, Mastercard accepted. Personal checks okay, but please sign the backs as well as the fronts, just in case.