Flock, my dear and endearing flock, who've stuck with me through thin these many years and haven't complained once when one of my posts have failed to attain the normally extraordinarily high standards to which you have become accustomed, namely, the very, very few misspellings, abuses of grammar and other literary abominations up with which I have not put; the usually high grade of subject matter with which, if you were ever so inclined you could use as the syllabus for an entire university sub-doctorate; the sublime political wisdom I have contributed quite freely and without demand of referendum nor plebiscite; the use of unbelievably difficult words (such as "acromegaly") which, if I am using them so carelessly hither and thither like peonies after a summer sprinkle must mean that I, the very author of those words represent the pinnacle of human intelligence.
That you have worn out countless computer screens reading and rereading my pronouncements brings tears of joy to these tired old eyes. But cry not for me, cry not thy useless tears of joy as I tell you today's subject -- a new project! Yes, I have a new project.
I am going to write a book. There is only one problem; I don't know what the book is going to be about. So I am going to write about the PROCESS of writing a book when one does not have a clue what the book is going to be about. You see? My book will be about the writing of it! That way, I don't actually have to write anything at all. I just write about the PROCESS of trying to write a book without the benefit of either ideas or subject matter. And then the cardinal question: why should anyone read it? The answer is that they SHOULDN'T! That there is absolutely no reason for anyone to read it!
But I'm not THAT totally stupid. I know thousands, if not MILLIONS of books have been written with absolutely NOT ONE REASON for a sane person to read it. Mein Kampf comes to mind, but the person who read it was also its only reviewer, so we must take his word for what exactly the content of it was. I mean, have YOU read it? But it became a best-seller on just ONE CONFIRMED SALE (he was a functionary at Woringen Bicycle Repair and Tobacconists in Bad-aim-Werzl in lower Thuringia).
So if he can do it I can do it, I can do it. So, without further ado, here is my book.
When The Word Stood Still by Nicholas Robinson
With a catchy name, my book begins! Now it has to live up to its title! (Strong opening line.) Perhaps I should use a Churchill quote to "launch" a theme. "Never, in so many years, have so few owed so much to so many." That's strong, isn't it? It could be referring to almost anything.
Good. Now that my book is safely off to the races, I'll take a short break and get some orange juice and Perrier. I'm watching "The World at War" with Laurence Olivier, that sly devil who made his entire livelihood pretending to be people he was not. I can do that too! Chapter two coming up soon!